Why Close Friendships Can Be So Challenging

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Why Close Friendships Can Be So Challenging

Two main reasons some people have difficulty being close to others

By Vic LeBouthillier

“If you have multiple fractures that have never fully healed, putting yourself in a position to experience new turmoils and fractures may seem impossible.”

There are two main reasons why some people don’t have close friendships, or why they may find it so difficult to form close friendships. Read through the following two examples and descriptions, and think about whether or not either one is true for you.

  1. Intimacy was not modeled to me as a child – so how am I supposed to know how to have a close friendship?

What we learn as children is often what we live out as adults. So, if you witnessed the dynamics of close and intimate relationships with parents and other role models during your childhood, you will likely have the skills and capacity needed to repeat the same behaviors as an adult. But, if you never observed such relationships as a child, you will not have any prior programming to help you develop the behaviors associated with close friendships in your adult life.

  1. My Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) cause me to avoid close friendships out of fear of being hurt again.

When a young child goes through any or all of the five Adverse Childhood Experiences (listed below), they often have one or more mental and/or physical health issues as adults. They also have difficulty facing life’s challenges, including developing and maintaining close and intimate friendships with others.

The five Adverse Childhood Experiences:

  1. Verbal abuse
  1. Emotional abuse
  1. Physical abuse
  1. Sexual abuse
  1. Neglect

How ACEs Affect Your Friendships

A close friendship requires a high TQ (trust quotient). But, when you have been hurt as a child by important people in your life, trusting anybody is difficult, even later on in life. Additionally, if you have multiple fractures that have never fully healed, putting yourself in a position to experience new turmoils and fractures may seem impossible.

Check out our next blog to discover ways to create close friendships.

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